It is starting to get dark early again. I looked out at eight o'clock tonight, and the sky was already black. I always try and keep in tune with daylight hours ever since I drove myself mad experiencing none of it at university. Once you get past the novelty, waking up when the sun goes down fucks with your head.
I got a letter from the US Embassy in London on Friday. Per its instructions, I’ve scheduled a medical on the 25th, and I’ll be sending a shitload of forms off next week. It’s so close. If I think for too long about the seconds slipping by, I begin to get anxious and stressed. It’s a minority candidate, but there will always be some part of me that doesn’t want to leave this country. As a counterpoint, though, the thought that I’ll be in my fiancé’s arms in a couple of months (hopefully) is electrifying.
Someone I’ve exchanged a few words with - someone who knew and spoke to Arden - has been outed as having sent sexually explicit photographs to an underage girl a few years back. By all means, there are countless parties that are more aggrieved by factors of tens, hundreds, and so on - but it still depresses me that ugly impulses appear to exist even within people who seem altogether good. There’s a hierarchy of loss here, definitely, but at the same time the knowledge that no-one wins with this sort of thing is hard to ignore.
I’m still writing, incrementally. The last week has been stressful - waiting to spring into action with visa paperwork, in a constant state of hypervigilance, and the secondary effect of those around me having a pretty rough week too. I’m hoping that I can get back into a rhythm fairly soon. Not long to go, now.
I’m finally up to date on Breaking Bad. That last episode was brilliant.